THE WONDER YEARS

I was reading some of my old online journal entries and I came across something I wrote after my first year as a camper (heading into my senior year of high school):

PFC Camp2005
“Thy Kingdom Come (Thy Will Be Done)”
August 16, 2005, 7:37 PM

" ‘Thy Kingdom come…’ Sometimes we’re so up-close to our own pictures. The ones we’ve extravagantly painted in our own desirable ways. And being so close up means we can only see the details. We engage in these details so much that it’s all we understand at times. Oh, we can be so blind. People always say “take steps back to see the bigger picture” but we rarely take action to those words. And some of us will unfortunately miss the point: it’s only when we take those steps that we can see God’s will; His “good, pleasing & perfect” will. The kind of will that’s whole & lacks blemish. But sometimes we just don’t want to let go, because that picture’s all we know. It’s all we see & we fear what might happen if we take action to our words. Once we’ve got something good we don’t want to give it up because we’re content… or we think we’re satisfied.

It hurts, letting those pieces go. Complacency will tell you it’s not worth the effort. But if you really trust Him, you’ll know He provides, even through the pain of your loss. The truth is, that pain is incomparable to the pain He bore for us first, & I will never fully understand that. I know taking those steps back means growing farther & farther away from the details I’ve created for myself, but it also means the picture gets clearer & clearer. It’s in our free will to choose to take those first steps, & I choose…

I may not be at the point when I can say that I knew wholeheartedly what was to come. But I have a promise; His promise. And that promise gives me hope.. that one day I won’t even be able to see those pieces I used to cry all night about. I’ll be standing in awe of His perfect will, and I won’t be able to feel or even remember the loss, because the gain was that much greater. It teaches us the concept of an unseen heaven. Joy of heaven means no more pain, & no remembrance of pain… no matter how much pain was present at the time. There’s an Artist painting our pictures as we speak & I just need to remember that ‘Thy kingdom come’ means my kingdom go.”

It gave me chills reading this, remembering what moved me to write this in high school, and how things have changed since then… It’s my 5th year going back to camp this summer (the first two being that I was a camper) and I remember falling in love that first year… with the theme and the Gospel and the uncertainty of life. Then, there was my second year, the year before I left for college, when I just fell in love with Camp itself:

PFC Camp2006
“In Jesus’ Name”
August 18, 2006, 3:22 AM

“…Every moment spent at camp was worth the headaches & the dead-feel of a morning-body. It’s the beauty of Camp… & I can’t accurately explain the beauty of Camp. It’s just there…

It’s in the morning dew. It’s in the rising sun. It’s in the music, all the jokes, all the good-morning hugs. It’s in Cabin Devotionals. It’s in “Son of God” by Starfield. It’s in the chill dawn, the evening crickets. It’s even in the Super-thanks song.

But most of all– it’s in Your love & what You did with it, for someone like me, & how much that changes My perspective on Your everyday. It’s amazing how much you can take for granted, but a second chance reveals more hidden truth… that I took more for granted than I thought was possible…

Lord, I thank You for a NAME that reigns, for places that bring relief, for faces that don’t misjudge, for a chance to start over (again), for words that help to break my pride, for an identity that identifies with glory, for lessons relearned, for a mind renewed, & for Your gift of grace that covers me, eternally.

This year, I’m learning the beauty of both commitment and community. And as I look forward to another two weeks at camp, I’ll remember how lost I was 5 years ago; I’ll remember how easy it is for me to get lost even now; I’ll try to imagine where I would be today without Christ and without the people placed in my life to guide me, teach me, rebuke me, and love me; I’ll trust that I’m ‘called’ here to surrender to what I want and foolishly think is right for me; and I’ll look forward in gratitude for the love and promises laid out for me by His grace alone.