DEAR CHILD...

It's that time of year. The season of Camp has officially begun, and I couldn't be more excited. I could be moving up in my career-ladder by interning in New York City or seizing life's pleasures by traveling the other side of the world's hemisphere (which, don't get me wrong, I would love to do...), but there's nothing like coming back to Camp each year and wondering how on earth I became part of such a grace-based ministry, accepted to serve with such unique brothers and sisters, coming in from all walks of life, be it a 30-something-year-old Harvard alum or a 20-something-year-old fashion designer (to-be). Looking at my own record, there's seriously nothing I've done or have that the next person couldn't do or offer, but I'm here, called to contribute that single note in an entire symphonic piece, and for a lack of better words, I feel grateful.

I used to think Camp existed for my sentimentality. As if Camp was a place where I could accelerate my own spiritual growth, a place I could come back to and say "What I've learned here, now I can go apply to my real life somewhere else..." Quite foolish, really, and really immature. I'm slowly learning how blessed I really am, through the relationships I'm building on year after year, and more importantly, through my understanding of Christ's life, death, resurrection, and the implications that has on me being adopted into a family, empty-handed...

"I write to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.
I write to you, fathers,
because you have known him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, dear children,
because you have known the Father.
I write to you, fathers,
because you have known him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because you are strong,
and the word of God lives in you,
and you have overcome the evil one."1 John 2:12-14

At Camp orientation, this passage was shared about the different levels of spiritual maturity people may be in, despite how long they've actually been a Christian. It struck me pretty hard, that reading it literally I would probably identify myself as a "young man" given my age and background, but after hearing the description, I don't think I quite fit the part. A father is someone who's spiritually mature, someone who's tested the Word of God in each stage of life and fully knows the Father in His faithfulness. A young man is someone who's currently testing the Word of God through his sins, fears, and failures, and is overcoming "the evil one", learning to be strong and persevere through life's many circumstances. A child, on the other hand, is described as someone who's joyful because his sins have been forgiven, but lacking in maturity because he's not consistently grounded on the Word of God, being easily tossed around the waves of this world as a result.

I'm still a child. There's a difference between picking encouraging verses out to comfort me when I want it, reading chapters and parts whenever I'm convicted to hear God's voice again, versus being consistent and knowing God's Word by heart--so much so that whatever I go through, I can align my struggles in view of God's love, my sins in view of God's mercy, and my strengths in view of God's grace. But I'm blessed with community to teach me the difference. I hope that with this opportunity of yet another summer break, I can learn to do the latter and be the "young man" that Christ showed us all to be.

"Soon and very soon

I'll be going to the place He has prepared for me

There my sin erased, my shame forgotten

Soon and very soon

I will be with the one I love

With unveiled face I'll see Him

There my soul with be satisfied

Soon and very soon"

— Hillsong United, Soon

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory,

are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory,

which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

— 2 Corinthians 3:18

WAKE UP

"There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death."
— Proverbs 14:12

"'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed;
a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
— Luke 12:15

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"
— Mark 8:35-37

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life."
— Galatians 6:7-8

"...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..."
— Romans 3:23

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
— Romans 5:6-8

"...it is written:
'No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him'"
— 1 Corinthians 2:6-9

MERCY, NOT SACRIFICE

I sincerely fear waking up and getting out of bed in the mornings. For an entire week I've woken up feeling half-paralyzed, the other half aching in every joint in my body, particularly my knees and my ankles. I can't even sit to pee in the mornings (sorry for the visual), let alone get back up to finish, which makes me take peeing in a bowl for granted, something I used to joke about after my stays at the hospital. I've gotten the hang of this routine of waking up, feeling it, crying for a bit, finally getting up after trying for half an hour, going to the kitchen to get something to eat before popping ibuprofen pills, attempting to get back into bed and lay down with the least amount of pain possible, then falling back asleep, hoping to wake up to the healing power of over-the-counter medicine. Last night I was in bed for 19 hours. After 12 hours, I got up for meds and fell back asleep for another 7. That's almost an entire day. Then usually by nightfall, I have the fattest ankles but I feel okay until the next morning. I'm quite proud of myself to be doing it alone... only four days ago I was waking my roommate up, begging in tears to help me do something about it. Anyways, to keep this short, this post was really written with the intent on sharing these next set of words from the books of Matthew and Luke. If everything happens for a reason, then this past week has been (and after three ER visits and countless meds, needles, bloodwork, urine samples, you-name-it, this past year has been...) so I can better relate to Christ's perfect work here on earth for our brokenness:

"As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, 'Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?

On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." 

— Matthew 9:9-13

How good is He who is faithful enough to beat humility down into our bodies and mind until we understand it in our hearts:

"To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' 

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." 

— Luke 18:9-14

She would change everything, everything, just ask her,

Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

She just needs someone to take her home.

— Jon McLaughlin, Beautiful Disaster