TOGETHER IN THEIR 50's

I think I’m finally hitting that god-forsaken age after the spoiled stages of childhood, the rebellious stages of teen-hood, and the independent stages of college and young adulthood when I mean it when I say that I love being home and that I sincerely miss my parents when I’m back at school. It’s really quite sad that the only thing I feel moved to blog about these days are my parents and their relationship, but I’m so thankful for them and their labor of love; and the way it’s constantly making me reflect on the reality of God’s love for me exemplified through my parents’ love in my life… brings me to tears just thinking about it.

In God’s own word’s, life is best lived as a poor beggar brought in to eat at the King’s table and to live in the riches of a prodigal King, disciplined by thankfulness for the rest of the beggar’s life, than left alone as a spoiled child, a rebellious teenager, or even an independent adult outside the palace walls. What’s more moving than to know the King himself, or rather that He knows you, when you yourself “were dead in your transgressions and sins…” – dead man walking, busy with work and life and friends, apathetic to most things outside ourselves – “…but because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God…” (Ephesians 2:1-8)

Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers, suggests that 95% of who we are as a person is outside of our control. That includes our geographical location and our genetics, both determined by birth (i.e. my parents). The rest left to personal choice. I want to choose… a disciplined life of thankfulness for the gifts God’s given me, the greatest of all being Christ (as emphasized over and over in that small passage alone), remembering to look back at what’s past, to look around to what’s given, and to look forward to the incomparable riches of his grace to come.

HAPPY 50

My mom watering the bouquet I gave her for her 50th birthday–
I think my little brother put the flower in her hair. Too cute.

The look on her face when she walked in and found the family unexpectedly waiting at the table for her… I could re-live that moment over and over again. Five minutes of a surprise to see a smile on the face of someone who’s sacrificed their entire life for you.

My definition of priceless.

NEW BOOK

I’ve been reading ‘Counterfeit Gods’ by Timothy Keller recently and it’s been nothing but a breath of fresh air. It’s been helping me to really ‘see for myself’ the realities of my deepest sins and my most precious idols that I know he’s been asking me to acknowledge and revisit and re-evaluate, to reaffirm the consequences of past sins and recognize potential ones, and to eventually just let go… all in light of this ongoing lesson of grace, written in plain text all throughout Scripture, shown through the weakest of characters and the heaviest of sinners. It’s like I’m reading and my mind’s doing somersaults and cartwheels in my head, trying to wrap my fallible human brain around this concept of mercy, and then grace. Mercy, and then grace.

If you’re interested, buy yourself a copy and read along. We can discuss it when we’re finished.

CHEERS!

(Wendy’s ‘welcome back from Cali for the week’ with most of the women from Camp)

A little while after our ‘cheers’, our food started to arrive and one of us forcefully thanked the other to pray. After some laughter, we bowed our heads and allowed the mood to change as any prayer usually does. She thanked God for the food and the time of fellowship, and then acknowledged our many different paths in life and what a blessing it was to be able to get together during such times. As best as I can remember, I quote: ‘…with one of us returning from Cali, another recently coming out of the hospital, and yet another getting ready to be married in a few weeks…‘ It all seemed quite crazy. With some of us working full-time and others still in school, she prayed that we would all ‘encourage one another‘ wherever life takes us and whatever it puts us through. My definition of family.

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God
something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross! 

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.” 

— Philippians 2:1-11

From all four corners of the world (kinda)… Cheers.

LOVE ACTUALLY

It’s been five nights since I’ve been out of the hospital, but the past five nights felt like five weeks. I’ve been prescribed to these medications that won’t let me live a normal life and they’re driving me up the wazoo. One’s Cipro, every 8 hours, and the other’s Flagyl, every 12 hours. If you do the math and put them together, that’s 6am. 8am. 2pm. 8pm. 10pm. And never on an empty stomach. The discipline of watching the clock is the easiest part. It’s the dizziness, headache, and incredible amount of nausea that they both leave me with that I can’t seem to get through. Nausea 24/7. I spent 20 minutes in the bathroom around 7 this morning, head hung over the toilet like it was my job. By 7 this evening, I was ready to call it quits and chuck my medicine out the door, but then in walks my dear beloved parents…

I get up from my unsuccessful nap as they walk in from their long day’s hard work, and after moaning about my present condition, my dad starts poking fun at my mom on cue in an attempt to distract me of my pains. He starts complimenting my weight loss and turns the attention towards my mom about how she’s getting fatter while he pokes at her mid-section. She then turns to me to say that she’s only like that because your dad (emphasis on the ‘your’) keeps buying fried chicken all day during work and has no choice but to eat beside him. With eyes half open, I watched them as they playfully harassed each other for my sake, and amidst the throbbing headache and constant nausea, I was able to laugh. I guess you could say the warm fuzzy feeling that most people refer to as love (in the non-cheesiest way possible) overrode the knots in my stomach, and I was able to fall asleep, successfully distracted by thoughts of kindness.

I’m obviously not writing this to say that I have it so bad, because in comparison to other pains, I know I don’t. But I write as a reminder to myself that I actually have it pretty good, in the most undeserving way… and that love actually, not only works in your favor, but is the medicine to all diseases, if you’re willing to acknowledge it.

NEW YEAR'S EVE

44 needles. 1 blessing reminder.

“Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

— Isaiah 53:4-5

DIGNITY FOR CHARACTER

A week straight of ice chips for breakfast, lunch, and dinner will get the message across. After fasting 40 days and 40 nights, Jesus was tempted by the devil in the wilderness with bread (earthly satisfaction), power, and all the world’s riches. Jesus answered, ‘Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ Matthew 4:4. The ESV notes that while God clearly never tempts anyone to do evil, he will use circumstances to test a person’s character. Also, although the devil will intend to thwart God’s plan and purposes, God is big enough to use his evil intentions for good.

There were moments in the past two weeks that I felt I straight lost my dignity. I cried like a baby for nights in a row for just one shot of morphine. My mom showered me down like I was her grandmother and not her 22 year old daughter. My little brother wiped the sweat off my back as I awoke from fever chills every night- by every hour. But by the words that come from the mouth of God I couldn’t question that I knew… He was working on my character.

“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

— 2 Corinthians 12:7-10